Wow. 2012 is almost over. The big 50 is finally here. I must admit there were times when I didn’t
think I’d make it this far, and other times when I didn’t even want to. But now that it is here I am very glad, and
hopeful for another 50 beyond this.
I write this to you so that
you might gain from my years. For I know
that there are only two ways of gaining from time. You can learn the hard way, or you can learn
from others who have gone before you. In
school they give you textbooks so you can gain from others, and you write in a
workbook. In real life, those with more
life experience are your textbooks. You
are your own workbook. If my 50 years is
worth anything, it is the value of lessons I have gained. If my relationship with you is worth
anything, it is in the value of telling you them, and the far greater value you
will realize in applying them. What I
tell you now is at the cost of 50 years.
You can ignore it if you want, but know for certain that I do not write
this casually.
When I was just a kid, my
hopes amounted to nothing more than being older so I’d be stronger and more
capable. Yet as I pushed through my
teenage years and became stronger and more capable, I realized I had a deep
longing to mean something to someone.
Perhaps some of you are there now - working through what you will later
realize is just a hint of desperation in the lifelong struggle for
significance. Eventually I learned that
I was not alone in that. We all have
that struggle. I learned from personal
experience and watching others that it does not go away if you try to bury it
in busyness and activity. It does not
even go away if you try to sate it with relationship(s). You will not kill it with alcohol and it is
not dulled by drugs. David Pollock spoke
the truth when he said, “The biggest shock is discovering that
wherever you go, there you are.” “You”, in this case, includes all your hurts
as well as all your joys, your disappointments as well as your triumphs.
As I gained maturity, I
focused on doing what every man does – providing for my family. Certainly some – maybe, if I am brutally
honest with myself – maybe most of my activity during those years was the echo
of my earlier struggle. I grew up in relative
poverty by Canadian standards, and I wanted for my family what I felt denied by
circumstance. So I worked very hard all
through my 20s, 30s and most of my 40s.
By God’s design and blessing, my family was provided for. While not the best of life’s possible
pursuits, I still reap the benefits of that work. Diligence, perseverance and self-control are
worth much. Money is just their
by-product. There are those who would
look at the end result of all those years and be envious. While I am not rich by Canadian economic
standards, I have much. A wonderful and
beautiful wife, a healthy family, a home, a job that I greatly enjoy and am
blessed in. I am ever grateful to God
that He provided so much, and provides still as the years go by.
Those years, like the one
just past, consist of individual days.
As day is added to day, I find myself learning to not only see the thread
of one’s life, but to understand it enough to make decisions in agreement - and
so realize benefits that are too profound for words. What price could you put on true joy, on real
peace or on that deep abiding calm that you know you ought to have in your
soul? It is this I hope to give you out
of the benefit of my years. For I hope
that one day you will be able to distinguish the thread of your own life and
likewise follow it. Because believe it or not, your life does have a purpose. Life is
not a disconnected series of random events.
It only appears that way, the way time appears to flow (but of course it
does not). The day you begin making
decisions in alignment with the purpose of your life you will discover what
life really is. For apart from that you
know only a shadow. When life comes, the
shadow lifts. When deeper life comes,
the shadow all but disappears.
The journey of finding that
thread starts with knowing the end of yourself. That sounds easy. Perhaps you already think you know that. Most do not until they find themselves desperate
enough to look beyond themselves. For
myself, it was only in the objectivity of distress that I cared to look past
me. I hope that isn’t the case for you,
because the path I took to that point was very hard. I did not listen to those around me with the
benefit of age, and even if I had I would not have found it. No one around me at the time knew to tell me
what I can tell you.
At first I saw nothing, but
as I cried out I heard an answer. That
answer is why my life changed so acutely in my early twenties. The voice I heard that day in 1985 I still
hear today. He has never failed me,
never misled me, never abandoned me. All
that has changed since is how I have
learned to listen. As He speaks,
the thread of my life is revealed. As I
listen, I follow that thread to His great glory and my tremendous benefit. So much so, that in my 47th year I
gave up everything so I could follow His voice.
You might not realize what a difficult decision that was. To give up your job (and I had a very good
job). To give up your career (and I
defined myself by my career). To risk
running out of cash before a new career could be gained (and so put all of my
stability on the table in trusting His voice).
Three years later I can say I have only one regret. That I didn’t do so very much earlier.
You might remember a story
told about a man who found a pearl of extreme value in a field. He went and sold all he had, used the money
to buy the field and so own the pearl outright.
I used to think that story was about how we were to sacrifice everything
to follow God, because He was so worth it.
Now in my 50th year, I am realizing that I had the story
backward. Actually, the man in the story
is God. The pearl is the story
is humanity. As deep and meaningful was
my misunderstanding (for there are good things to be gained in thinking it was
about what we could/should do), there
is far more depth and meaning in the accurate understanding (it is about what He has done). You are that pearl. You are of such great worth that God gave all
He had, that He might gain you.
I have one point in this
whole letter. That is, that an answer to
your hurts, disappointments and limitations is not only possible, but real - He
lives (for He is), He hears (for He is God) and He answers (for He values
you). To be able to tell you that with
the certainty gained from my own life experience makes all 50 years of it
worthwhile.
